Remember that scene from Batman Begins when he says “It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.” I didn’t used to get that. I thought, “Hey, you are an essence of a person underneath. Like darth vader, who did bad things, but had an essence of good. Yeah, like me too. I’m a very special and excellent person at the core.” Well, I don’t really think like that so much anymore. I mean, God’s grace covers a multitude of sins and what that belief system says about me and every human is that each one has like a devine essence or something like that, and is innately valuable, and that’s really very cool- but sofar as it goes to defining yourself, I think we’ve got agency for that. I can make choices to do good, or to find good, or to not. This is how I become a co-author in the story of my life. At the end of the day, people will see the what you do, as a reflection of who you are. Not that its about reputation, necessarily. And I know that trying and good intentions are not enough either. But if I can’t speak for myself, then hopefully my actions will speak for me. I get down a lot. I get sad often. So if I’m going to feel like a terrible person, maybe I can be redeemed by my actions if I do so simply as make them habit. I don’t know. But I think there’s something to it. And I feel like I don’t really have much to speak for me right now.
I've been talking about my inner life for nearly a decade. Ranting into the void to hear the echo. Quite lost within my own world.
I don't know if I can get out.
I know James said something about faith void of works is dead, and I feel like I've become void of both. Perhaps by building one, somehow, the other can grow. But I guess that means I need to stop projecting and predicting and shut up and get off my ass.
