You're not that big of a deal. That's my pearl this year. One of them. Its unoriginal and on-the-face uninspiring and i suppose that suits, because I'm not that big of a deal.
Now, of course, on the other hand, I think the individual life is remarkable, I might feel this more than ever these days, the soul, but that's not what I'm disparaging here.
Actually, I think that I am not that big of a deal and that my human being-ness is profound are quite tied together.
I guess what I'm going after is the societal insistence that you must perform, the culture (certainly pop culture) influence toward self-specialness, and the economic pressure that you should aim to excel. I suppose I've been challenged to check some narratives that influence the way I think about myself.
We are entangled with one another, and with the earth. I am complicit in many things which we could define as good or bad. I am a human wading through the grey, but in this I am not alone. I can reach for imagined futures for myself, but perhaps there is maturity in acting toward futures that are beyond my lifespan. My insular neoliberal individualst recoils, what!? I notice it. I wonder. I take a step forward, back, back forward. Further forward? hard to tell. Spin in an eddy for a season. Get pushed out. Am i stronger or weaker?
As I let the idea of my own granduer potentially disolve some, other possibilities open. Perhaps I embrace the present, I see others, I make less fanciful decisions opting instead for those which are concrete and adventurous and scary as all get-out.
You're not that big of a deal.
