Hope Love Life...

The fact of the matter is that I should have crashed and burned a thousand times.

It was only the Grace of God that kept me on me feet and only the knowledge of which that gave me the will to keep standing.

I remember my mom saying that rebellion was a sin. I never really understood that. I thought of the punk rockers with their antiestablishment agendas and something in me desperately related with them. I remember one of the presidents of the United States being quoted as saying that a little bit of rebellion was a good thing once in a while. Stick it to the man! Don't conform. Don't be a pawn.

I think I might finally see what was really meant by the one who said that rebellion is a sin. I don't know, but I realize now in having being saved from myself a thousand times that I don't have anything to stand against. What is there left of me? That is, the me that was defined by myself. We call it pride.

I fall and I fall again and become subject to grace and slowly become by humility- that sweet revelation of seeing myself as I really am.

God said I was worth saving.

I'm worth something. I have to throw off everything I was caught up in about myself to see what that really is because surely this self-motivated pride stuff isn't it. That becomes humility and I begin to see myself as God sees me and I begin to realize that I'm worth more than I ever knew. I stop fighting as a rebel that feels helplessly disvalued by the world. I stop acting defensively knowing my own failures and realize that to continue- knowing what I know now- is pointless, prideful and rebellious. God has called me to something more. He has valued me higher than that! To disvalue what he has called valuable (even worth dying for) - what blasphemy is that!?

So I don't stop acting. No. For surely now it's time to be pro-active.
Knowing what i know now i act out of a new entity and agenda and no-one said it would be easy (when a sinful nature, evil, and -it seems sometimes- the whole world is going the other way down the stream.)

I have a theory that a man goes crazy without something to live for. He'll get depressed, feel devalued, and may end up off the deep end. Probably most of us have experienced that feeling to some extent. Maybe you've lived alone, ate Kraft-dinner, worked at a dead-end job and watched TV in the evenings a little too long for a state of pace. We begin to lose touch of that part of us that wants to live. That's what it seems like to me. I think you might be alive if you know you could die tomorrow and know that something you did today would count.

Maybe you've seen the way a friend's demeanor changes when he gets into a job that is fulfilling to him, or when he starts back at college and feels like his life is going somewhere, or when he enters a relationship with a significant other. Suddenly there’s something real to live for!

Jesus showed me that i was worth something. I respond and accept it. I love him for it and respond accordingly (Something most definitely real to live for!)I find myself living -ideally every part of my life and being- for HIM. Purpose. Hope. Life. Love.

Alright...