so this is belief

I think belief is really quite incredible. And I'm not talking about a particular belief system. I mean that, when anybody truly believes something, it tends to give strength to convictions which are willing to run against the course of culture or societal pressures. In an intro to sociology class, I learned that “human agency” is the ability of the individual to affect society in contrast to society affecting him. Lowering expectations speaks to letting society shape me. Even those who claim to be agents of change are still shaped by society, if I bend to it completely I get an easier ride; and yes, I might forgo any convictions i held which countered it, but if my morality is defined by the world that creates me, it becomes easy to justify. I do not write this facetiously, I'm trying to be honest in my regard of our condition. Belief, however, belief can change the world; not always for the best, and sometimes for the worse, but oftentimes for the better. And if belief gives value to self and to others and convicts one to search for the highest kinds of good rather than bending to animalistic momentary impulses or social conditioning, then isn't that kind of belief that which, when we observe it in someone, we value and protect and admire? Even if i think the belief system is bad- I must respect it for the discipline, sacrifice and “leap of faith” that it takes. I must admire it if it is truly doing good beyond the self- for a higher purpose or moral definition. I think its backwards, those who seem to take a particular stance (athiestic as the simplest example) for the sole motive of attacking the opposition. In this situation there seems to be a poor respect for belief. Either the attacker would respect another believer for their belief (and disagree with their beliefs at the same time if they want to) or else they don't think that their opponent has true belief, and this has sparked an antagonism of bitterness. This can be understood. The biblical epistle of James talks about faith, if without works, is dead. I think some people see this of those who call themselves believers and call cheat. I suppose that taking the name of Christ would be impossible altogether, however, if it wasn't for Gods grace. This is what believers must keep appealing to when opponents attack. I'm sorry. We don't have ideals as much as we have hope. We don't have a destination as much as a journey. We don't have a wholeness as much as a healing. Another epistle said to bear with those whose faith is weak. I'm only not out of the game by God's grace.

Lowering Expectations

While I was living in Manila, I was taught a strategy to avoid disappointment. It worked like this: when one was, say, ordering food in a local restaurant “Moderate expectations” became the wink-and-a-nod phrase which meant that if you ordered a western plate, like pancakes and received something foreign and unfamiliar, like sugary puffed rice patties, you were supposed to accept and eat them with a shrug and a smile. The exercise was a mechanism for optimism and preparedness and was well applied to those little inconsequential things. I, however, was reminded of it later when I began to work a similar philosophy into the face of larger and heavier concerns. In short, what happens when you don't just moderate, but lower expectations every time that life lets you down? Is this a practical coping mechanism to help deal with reality, or are you actually cheating ourselves out of potential greatness and realized ideals? Ideals. They say that the male brain is not completely formed in the teenage years. It lacks rational, which is probably why nobody should have given any of us our driver's licenses. It's probably also why idealism sprouts so easily at that age. I wasn't in a football team, or a military club, but plenty of idealism was fostered in me while in a church youth group. Lets, face it, high school in general is often rife with pipe dreams. Not that shooting for the moon is a bad thing, but if you get out of highschool without a few broken relationships, unplanned pregnancies, or a sudden death, then you are probably set up to fall harder later (and if you don't make the moon, and miss the stars, “about course!” Come back to earth). Parents die from lung cancer, marriages break up over money, and the class clown develops a mental disorder and ends up on the street with a crack addiction. (We'll run into him years later at the bottom of a stairwell as we stumble for a place to take a piss after a late night at the pub and only find the situation disturbing because of the way he looks at us with pity in his eyes.) It seemed at first (as i write i remind myself that my brain still isn't completely formed) that the idealism of religion could keep me afloat amid the mess. Faith is a beautiful thing, but I think it took me coming down a few more notches before i learned that not only was a mustard-seed apparently enough, but it might be all I got. An alternative coping mechanism, however, is to hold on to what we've still got, stop stressing out, and live life with lower expectations. Volunteering in Manila and Uganda challenged me a lot. I knew I couldn't save the world, but it was a reality check to realize just how true that was. The world is complex and people are diverse. While this can lend healthy humility, it can also be overwhelming. I thought that if i encountered brutality and pain it would only shock my idealism into resolve. Instead it brought visions of oblivion. Life isn't what it was cracked up to be: so lower your expectations. What was life cracked up to be? Disney made us dream even while we knew that the white picket fence was increasingly a phantom. I went to a prosperity doctrine church once, and it more-or-less scared the sh*t out of me. I think it took what a lot of our pagan culture expects out of religion and shoved it in my face. Does God promise us prestige, massive incomes, numerous children or a marriage that won't end up on the rocks once in a while? Ideals might keep us going for a while, I guess, but what if they aren't even the right ideals?Delayed pleasure, I begin to think, is more a product of the capitalist dream than some sort of inherited Christian tradition. Wouldn't I be right to lower my expectations of some of these great farces? I sometimes feel worn out by Christians, who look at the world or some ugly situation and say to pray as if God will either make it right or give us perspective. Neither of these seem to happen most of the time, at which point its like I have to pray harder and work my soul into a knot to will it to be. If its crap, it stands a good chance that it will still be crap tomorrow, no? Acceptance, apathy; i can understand these things. Maybe praying for a better world is also expecting too much. What can we expect? What can we count on? What has real-time value? I think community is huge. We want to be known. But what if community doesn't catch us when we fall? What happens when the idealism that we learned from church and took abroad and clinged to upon return feel like lies? When the voices who spoke them first are strangely absent? Here is what to do: When the friends you thought you wanted don't emerge, find who you can and get drunk with them. Lower your expectations and your convictions. Don't be a pretentious prude. And if the thought that you aren't half the man you once thought you were, or even held potential of being, threatens to rob your sleep, don't get depressed. Fall asleep with the television on, take a pill, and lower your expectations. If you can't get happy, stop thinking you shouldn't drink alone. Don't expect much. Don't give much. After all, no one is holding you to a standard. Find community by joining the degraded, the realistic, and the mortal. If you look at yourself and realize that what you thought was altruism was simply selfishness and that you do what you do because of societal influence, for a sense of identity, because of a desire for restitution, and for veiled bragging rights- when you realize that your self idealism was false, you've lowered self expectations. Welcome back to earth. Is there any place to draw a line? If there is, we could call it conviction. In a broken world, for convictions to work I think they need something called belief, and belief isn't rooted in idealism. Its rooted in hope. A biblical epistle said that faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. When I looked back on my life philosophy for lowering expectations and replaced the word “ideal” with “hope”, the implications changed. I think that ideals get people killed while hope keeps them alive. But what things are worth hoping in? Can we be assured that we aren't getting up just to be knocked down again? Truth is, I've made the earth my home now, and its going to take a steady hand to pull me to my feet.