Reflections 2: The end as we know it

I felt broken, abandoned. God felt far away, if he were there at all. In a sea of flowing souls tossed more by the waves of this world than any deity, it was at least easier to believe that God had, at best, simply wound up the clock and left it spinning. But how much of all this feeling was a symptom of the depression that had set in with the culture-stress, homesickness and overwhelmingness? I swung and swayed back and forth on the pendulum which found ecstasy at the opposite side of those days when I preferred not to get out of bed.
Its like the rest of that good stuff, once you compromise a part of your paradigm, it leaves the rest vulnerable- there's no going back. How did the evolution of species, for instance, fit into my understanding of human relationship to God? How do other religions' explanations fit? Where did we get this Christian ethic set which the authoritative Scriptures don't necessarily even support? Unlike some of that other good stuff, however, the quest for truth not only left me wanting, it as easily left me low as high.
Certainty, I thought, was a blissful delusion.