Art and Heart

On the way to school i listened to a song by the Weakerthans. It was a nice song. It reminded me of the older stuff by death cab for cutie- you know, the stuff that was a little more raw, but which connected to me more than what they've put out since. Then that made me think about this song i used to listen to by Switchfoot, way back before they hit it big with their album “The beautiful letdown”. I thought about how the stuff they have put out over the past few years was actually fantastic, but that it didn't mean that i disliked the bit-rate garage rock teenage angst song that i used to listen to. What is all this to say? Well, as i was thinking about this, i was also thinking about music in my life, about how its like a beautiful gift and a tease at the same time. Nothing seems to make more sense then when something about a musical work all lines up the right way in my brain and drops past the pin swipes and straight into my soul. But i know that most of the time its not like that. Most of the time its realizing my inadequacy on a keyboard line, my inability on interpreting a guitar rift, my stupification on a vocal inflection. Half the time i end up pounding on piano keys from frustration and not knowing how to end a half-hour of repetitive improv. Much of the time I listen to my own recordings and mock them in my mind. Even what i admit is better is never adequate. Its always works in progress, and though once in a blue moon these sessions and let-downs accumulate to a moment of completion- and that is a beautiful reflection and metaphor indeed- often times its just a veiled hope. Even as I write all this, however, I recognize the parallels to relationship, to those truly good things in life. They take work to maintain, but are worth it and resonate deeply when the hammer meets the gong. Its not something i can just opt out of. It is a beautiful journey in which my inadequacies and attempts are like a child feebly, clumsily, uselessly trying to imitate the strength of his Father. This makes me laugh. It liberates me. It doesn't need to be perfect. You don't need to be perfect. Who do you think you are? It won't be perfect until He completes it. Until then, keep playing, keep singing, keep laughing. This is a gift.