When i give up

You know what stinks about being single?
Sometimes its the best thing ever. It opens up avenues that never could otherwise be opened. It allows for flexibility and mobility and living life a little more dangerously. ( But sometimes you wonder if what you do falls to no accountability that can tell you if it really matters. )
Sometimes it sucks. Being a guy puts several meanings to this, but it can make some days so lonely and meaningless that you feel like if you don't have so much as a life to mean something to or so much as a hand to hold that you'll go crazy.

Theres a lot of pack where this punch comes from, but i think at some point you need to realize that having nothing to loose doesn't cut it once you live up to your own fear and gain everything to loose. Do you really have anything worth saving if you have nothing worth loosing? Or anything worth living for if you have nothing besides yourself to die for? I don't know... i just wonder if all my adventures as self-rightious as they might seem still fall flat if i still can't handle love. ref. 1Cor13. And I mean Love.

Problem is i don't know what i fully mean when i'm beginning to think that love is something you do more than something you feel and something you prove more than a dotted line you sign. But thats another issue altogether i suppose.

I guess what i'm getting at is that its all about self sacrifice isn't it? Its all about risking it all to gain it all; about surrendering to get on the right side; about giving up your own security and ideal that you can rule your own life and realize the incredible truth. It's not all about me here.